Wednesday, July 13, 2011

dear tomorrow



some people just want to be left alone. most of them listen to goth. this claustrophobic piece of paranoia from the soft moon is one of those rare moments in the annals of music history that should define a generation. if only the internet weren't born. if only people weren't so post everything. brooding is an understatement. vampires would cringe at this shit. the other tracks from their self-titled LP aren't as forgiving to the senses, and even harder to listen to than tales of suicide. but it's a glorious foray into the depths of confusion. if it were a physical thing, this music would smell like burning leather. kill your family. then a pack of teenagers. then make a movie out of it. brandish your monstrosities on the dance floor, motherfuckers. all hail depression.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Troll Hunter

wtf where's da blood?

kraut pop gone haywire



the German techno subgenre Electro-lore . 1/8 Duran Duran, 1/8 Magnetic Fields, 1/8 Eno, 1/8 Jared Hess, whatever the hell is left is beyond description.

i really haven't decided whether or not this is the greatest or dumbest thing i've ever seen in all my years as a webstalker.

fucking crazy

so i was unclogging up the toilet today



i ran 5 fucking kilometers today. it wasn't as serious, though, as my bathroom problem. my flush is ass deep broken, i had to take a dump, and the sink was clogged. so i closed my eyes and reached in deep.

and then i sat on my glasses and chipped the tip of it. life is so fucking amazing.

life rocks! specially in the chocolate city!

now i have two styes in my eye. ain't no fucking joke, dr. seuss. JESUS HEAL THESE MOTHERFUCKERS! THEY'RE IMPAIRING MY VISION!

what else is so fucking great about my life? huh? hmmm, let's see. oh.

that's not me, but that's one hell of a cute fucking baby.

what a wittle bunny wabbit.

what's on hbo?

eastbound and down? meh. flip
ellen? meh. flip.
some old-ass black and white snorefest. meh. flip
some black bitch is crying about her problems. meh. flip
korean telenovela. shiver. flip
space cruiser yamato. zzzzz. flip
SICK TIGERS?!?! AWWWWWW! :( flip
wimbledon! duuuude. flip
another buffy ripoff. *pukeinmymouth* flip

play this game instead
rollin' necro, bitchiz!

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

a letter to Marvel

BLAME CANADAAAA!


Dear Marvel,

Here's how the Ultimate's Death of Spider-Man SHOULD have gone down.

So there's this interface fare down at the college where Peter Parker used to TA for chem 171. And Peter was asked to sub for a techno-linguistics professor down at Engineering (under Prof. Scottie McHaggis). But while Parker was subbing for this flu-ridden phD, his class session was seized by an intergalactic technovirus unwittingly unleashed by Warlock, (that freaky robot alien from the New Mutants) when he had a one-night stand with Danger, that Shi-ar X-Man problem. It was a mutation of the first DTD, digitally transmitted disease. It then became alive when it hived with Columbia University's hydrolab distillation timers and computed a passkey to sentience. So as it gnawed away at the school's cybersystems, Peter (and what little he knows about computer hacking) has to learn quick and find a way to crawl through the computer's system to save New York from complete technobliteration. He is then absorbed by the evil machine that is birthed at the core of the SHIELD sub-base under Lower Manhattan. But as a last resort, Spider-Man used Iron Man's technovirus to link internally with the system and upload his consciousness in it. And then KABLOOEY! OVERLOAD! All that was left was a big bad blob of mess that the NYPD has to clean up and Peter Parker's corpse fried from the neck up.

THAT'S HOW HE SHOULD HAVE DIED, DAMMIT!

sorry. i think i'll go take my meds now.

Sincerely,

Fanboy420
World Wide Webstalker